Fee Fi Fo Fum...

...I went on a date with an Englishman.

I drank tea; he drank fizzy water because he's apparently a PG Tips snob and none of the 150+ varieties that the tea house offered could have possibly been adequate.

I had rushed from a clothing swap at Dubs' to Remedy Teas on the Hill to meet up with him and shortly before the date ended, I realized I could not recall exactly where I had parked my car. As we wandered around in the rain trying to locate the errant Hyundai I became acutely aware that I seem to be making stellar first impressions on these recent dates. I guess that either way I'm making these meetings memorable, right?

I think the past 3 weeks of drama and stress and overtime at work succeeded at temporarily melting my brain, so for the moment I am going to disable my online dating profile and enjoy getting back into the normal groove of my life. Back to Bikram, back to being on top of my Domestic Goddessing, back to life, back to reality...

Fun with dating sites.

I recently set up an online profile to meet new cute boys over the internet (after realizing my friends are pretty suck at the match making.) Here is a small compilation of the messages I have received so far. Think of it as the best of the best and the best of the worst (though I deleted some possible classics when they first started streaming in.)

Before I fleshed out my profile:

-Under your personality tab it just says "More Drug-Friendly" and "Less Old-Fashioned." So based on what I see here... let's just get high and watch Star Wars.

-You're barn burningly gorgeous. I bet the boys are all over you like a cheap suit ;) So how have all the crazy male apes on this site been treating you so far? This was originally charming, but then it devolved into him (a married man) trying to set up a "discreet" monthly rendezvous. Um, no.

-ya know, I think you and I have some stuff in common, maybe we would enjoy each others company?.. do you agree with any of the thoughts I just mentioned?

-Hi there! Maybe I'm bucking the trend by bagging the stock "you seem really cool" message in lieu of going straight to telling you something about myself, but what the hell, right? I'm feeling adventurous and I want to see what happens when I tell a complete stranger this story. Nintendo was a pretty formative element of my childhood, and I was convinced for awhile that if I dressed up like Link from Legend of Zelda enough that I would become him eventually. This meant I was in my Link costume most of the time, even when I ran errands with my mom. So I'm sure it was embarrassing for her to be cruising down the cereal aisle at the supermarket with a Nintendo character in tow, but I really didn't give a shit and I still don't. Anecdote complete! On the off chance you were having a less-than-awesome start to your week, I hope that brought you some cheer.

-Survey says...

I love you!

-Hi cytie Is this some new slang I haven't heard of?

-I'm not just funny; I'm kind of a joke, as well.

My profile picture is slightly nerdy:

-I am definitely the droid your looking for.

-Hey! How's it going? I gave you five stars because you've been to Tatooine.

-So....you have a star wars photoshop picture....a communist pizza t-shirt and actually used the term "IRL"

Awesome!

and every other version of "nice profile pic" you could think of.

Now, I am chatting back and forth with a gent who seems promising but doesn't live in Seattle proper and I've got plans for a drink with a local performer I've actually had a crush on for years, so it's not all bad, but DAMN Seattle - y'all are cracking me up.

Cleaning out the closet.

Within a mass flurry of ex texts, passive aggressive/misogynist facebook posts, etc. this week I learned a few things about these boys I had dated and myself. Here's a gem from my most very recent ex:

Yes, I date assholes. Pretty much everyone I know is constantly joking "oh, you sure do know how to pick 'em." (Honestly though, Bear was a freakin' saint compared to 80% of my exes so I would like to make it abundantly clear that he is not counted within the "asshole" category - that's probably why we were together for a year and a half.)

So, I date jerks and then I try to BE FRIENDLY WITH THEM afterward in some sick, stupid sense of duty. Even when all of my friends hate them. And then I end up miserable just trying to deflect the snarky comments and judgments and manipulation and craziness and trying to convince me to "ride off into their delusional sunset."

Then yesterday I saw a relevant quote from the Rumi facebook page I follow:

<------

Yeah, these boys are never going to change. And even if they eventually do, it's definitely not going to be on my behalf.

I realized that the only way to fix this is to "clean out my closets" and cut off contact from those exes who will never learn to play nice or have any interest in becoming self-aware. Keeping them around clearly has absolutely no emotional (or physical, if you know what I mean) benefit and I think it's about time I start doing the right thing for me.

Let's think of it as a New Year's Resolution - possibly the only one I've made in the past 10 years, but perfectly 100% doable.

That's what friends are FOR.

My best friends hate the ex that I've been spending time with (with a burning hot passion.) He's really a gem, as demonstrated in this post. Things have clearly always been rocky but occasionally I find myself trying to give him the benefit of the doubt despite the fact that I usually end up regretting it. When talking to Dubs about another guy I've got a wee crush on, I attempted to justify my poor behavior.

me: so, I'm over it

Dubs: Dude

You should be over it for a million other reasons than that

not the least of which is that if you hadn't already rode that dick, I'd swear he was packing a yeasty vagina.

And is psychotic

me: hahahhaahahahahah

told Wee Crush he made me blush so he asked if he could just flirt with me all day

Dubs: CUUUUTE

me: dude, it just keeps getting cuter. I give up

Let's just think of this bout with ****** as a placeholder while I was bored and Wee Crush was out of town

Dubs: Yes, Let's

it helps explain away your severe lapse in judgement a little better.

You are SO grounded if you go out with him again. He leaves in the middle of sex. He's like a mid-30's middle schooler, dude.

me: God, I love you.

Things to be thankful for...

This year has had it's highs and lows but ultimately there are so many things that I can be thankful for today (and every day, like we all should be.)

*my health

*my brilliant friends who support me and challenge me

*my family

*living in this gorgeous city

*a handsome and quirky suitor

*a comfortable home

*a decent job

*Gizmo and Bread

*the internet which brings me gems like this:

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

Becoming what you are (cont'd)

I'm not the kind of girl who...

...spends $100 (or more) on a pair of jeans

...is impressed by how many hours a guy spends at the gym each week or how much he spent on his fancy car or the expensive clubs he goes to

...is too chicken to ask a dude out

...lowers her standards just to be in a relationship

...bases her self-worth by what other people think of her

...starves herself to get skinny

...reads Cosmo or Marie Claire or Vogue

...pretends to care about sports

...lets the pain and disappointment in her past affect the happiness of her future

...messes around with or even pursues a dude who has a "lady friend" or "might try to work things out with their ex"

I am a chick with...

...a keen eye for bargains

...a slightly masculine attitude about relationships

...a decent head on her shoulders

...a vigorous reading habit

...mad cooking skills

...the knowledge of how to give a decent lap dance and/or sweet talk someone in Turkish

...a boat-load of respect and love for my friends and family

...a deep desire to continuously learn and grow as a human being

...a well-rounded sense of humor

...and, clearly, a healthy self-image

Convenient timing.

It appears that Seattle's summer is mostly over, after a somewhat pathetic showing of something like 1000 minutes of temperatures over 80. This just happens to coincide with a 5 day juice fast/supplemental-based cleanse that I decided to challenge myself with and I had expected to spend the weekend hermitting at my apartment, starving and barely in control of my bowels, so I wasn't too upset about the rain. Oddly enough, I've felt mostly normal and managed to be surprisingly productive even outside of my abode. I've woken up earlyish each day and found the energy to hit up a friend's yard sale with Cec, to walk over to Westwood Village to shop for a few pieces of workout wear appropriate for my upcoming Bikram (hot) yoga classes and run other errands, do the normal weekend tidying and squeeze in an at-home yoga session. It may not sound like much, but I had anticipated being basically immobilized by hunger and bowel flushing (oooh, I know how sexy that sounds, y'all) so as Charlie Sheen would say - I'm "WINNING."

What I've found so far with the fast is that 95% of the time I'm not even hungry, despite having intense cravings for all kinds of junk food pretty much constantly. Conversely, I've been thinking about healthy food and what I am going to eat once I'm back on the solids almost the entire time as well. My first dinner will consist of the eggplant I grew in my balcony garden (most likely sauteed or roasted,) oven-baked salmon caught fresh by one of my bff's Dads and possibly rice or potatoes. Maybe a biscuit or a chunk of baguette. I really love bread and nothing about this fast has changed that. I've still got tons of fruit in my fridge from the preparation for the cleanse, a grocery list chock full of more nutritious snacks and staples and meal plan ideas that should keep me on track afterwards. Yeah, I seriously have been thinking about food unceasingly since this began.

Next up is Round 2 for the day of supplements and juice with a big 'ol dose of fiber and a quick pick up of the homestead before I try to drag the Madre to the Indoor Sun Shoppe to help me spend the generous gift card that (the brilliant and amazing) Cec gave me for my recent birthday. Later, I'm thinking Round 3, pedicure, meditation, reading and journaling: it's gonna be a juicy one - I've decided to document (as far back as I can remember and then moving forward) the specific reasons I am not with any of my exes or other gentlemen I have briefly dated, mostly because it would be far too scandalous to post it here...but sometimes a girl needs a reminder, right?

Progress!

Please do excuse the blurry picture, I have yet to master the camera on my new phone and I'm no pro, even with a regular camera.

This is my current set up for veggies and herbs, minus the calabrese broccoli which has just been started in another area of my balcony. I hijacked an old picnic bench from The Madre (and strung the cutest little set of lights underneath -more pictures to come, swears) to create enough height for the green babies to get enough of the sun and add ambiance in addition to it's functionality.

From the top: I have burpless bush cucumbers, ichiban eggplant, neon glow chard, chives, Moroccan mint and chocolate mint. This weekend I have a feeling I'll add some basil - all of a sudden I have to desire to be able to make fresh pesto.

Last weekend I picked up a hanger for my butterfly garden pot; installation should be a quick

weekend project and then I'll be on the lookout for a new pot to accommodate the new mini bee balm, which is apparently pretty bushy. On the floral side, I'm really focusing on plants that are known to attract butterflies and hummingbirds, but the bee balm also has the added benefit of being a wonderful tea herb and salad garnish. I truly just thought the flowers looked neat. I haven't seen any hummingbirds around and I have my doubts they'd target my 4th floor balcony, but a girl can dream, right?

By the time I've got everything organized for my housewarming there should be a bounty of pretty things out there for my guests to enjoy. This weekend when I'm not working on the garden and getting the rest of my place prepped, I'm going to take advantage of the forecasted rain and find some time to hang with the bffs as well as finish reading my current book. Hopefully I can round it off with a nice pancake brunch (a friend's brilliant housewarming idea) and some mimosas in Ballard and be ready to return on Monday to another week of work hell.

Back and better than ever.

After what I would call "an incredibly successful move" with the help of some of my best friends and a few more good friends I don't get to see nearly enough, I spent my first night at the new place on Saturday (if coming home at 2 AM on Sunday morning after dancing my heinie off at Trouble Disco counts.) I slept in a bit and then after a quick trip to Jamba (oh, so glad to be back within walking distance of my smoothie "dealer") I returned to the old place and did the final clear out/clean up.

Once I arrived home and unloaded, I got down to trying to fix the minor damages to my stuff that occurred during the move and setting up my electronics/entertainment center before the exhaustion took over and I settled in to start re-watching Breaking Bad with a six pack of Red Hook Pilsner and a pizza. I found the focus to call Comcast to activate my services just in time for the Game of Thrones season finale and then crawled into bed by 9:30 to continue reading the first book of the series.

I'm a bit anxious to have a housewarming shin-dig considering we were mere weeks away from one at Jefferson Square before things ultimately feel apart, so I'm grounding myself at home this week to unpack. I think by mid-July I should be completely settled in and ready to celebrate (in a more official capacity.)

Being "ex"-communicated.

A while back, a guy that I have known since I was 19 broke up with his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. She had been to numerous parties thrown by our long-time group of friends and I had gotten a chance to become better acquainted with her, intrigued by her young age, old-soul wisdom, dry wit and fun fashion sense. After the break-up, our group of friends basically dropped her like a hot potato, no longer inviting her to any of the many get-togethers that were thrown on a regular basis. In my opinion, it was all kinds of bullshit to basically abandon someone we had gotten close to, especially at a time when anyone would need the support of their homies. In the following months as she became one of my favorite people I slowly distanced myself from those who had been so quick to dismiss her when she had done nothing to deserve it.

Fast forward to my recent break-up - his amigos that had been so insistent on forming a friendship with me are now nowhere to be found. There's been not a single peep of support from then since then and it seems in some cases they were actually coaching him to treat me negatively. As an adult, I find this incredibly petty and unnecessary - my ex and I were not and are not on bad terms. That feeling of "he is my best friend and I love him" is long gone, but I harbor very little (if any) ill will towards him and definitely haven't tried to prevent any of my peeps from hanging out with him nor encouraged causing him any kind of grief.

For those of you who might find themselves in a similar situation when their friends break up (where nothing unpleasant has been done to you personally,) I will offer the following: let them deal with it. There is no reason you can't be friends with someone just because they are not in that relationship any longer. Planning an event? Invite them both and politely let them know what you have done and that if they can handle it/behave properly then they are both welcome to attend. Offer support - that doesn't mean you have to be responsive to bitching and snarking about your friend, but you can make that clear in a gentle and mature way. Be a grown up and hopefully they can do the same.

Something something KARMA something something...

Speaking of abstinence...

I have less than 10 days to get ready to relocate and technically no place to go (yet.) While this situation might drive most people to drink, I have actually been inspired to try to lay off the booze until after my move.

Recently a friend was telling me that he was attempting to abstain from alcohol for 30 days. Well, he failed, but 30 days is a really long time, right? Especially over Labor Day weekend...Like, C'MON. I thought about it for a while after we talked though, and thought to myself that it probably couldn't hurt to try to avoid drinking for a while. During the week I'm usually pretty responsible with a beer or a glass of wine in the evening, but on the weekends I'll get buzzed and end up spending more money than I want to which is a very bad idea right now.

Between now and the 18th there is one birthday party that I have to attend (at a bar, of course) and an entire weekend but I'm confident that I can keep liquor/beer from my lips until after all my stuff is moved to wherever it is going to be.

Ten days isn't a lot, I know, but it's a decent enough test of my willpower as later that night I'll be getting together with my homegirls, throwing on a hot dress and some sexy dancin' shoes & rewarding myself like crazy at Trouble Disco and The Stranger present Pre-Pride Bouncy Ball benefiting the It Gets Better Project. Supposedly, in addition to Vockah Redu and the Cru, Scissor Sister's tour DJ (Sammy Jo,) a Savage Love advice booth AND Ru Paul's Drag Race Season 3 winner Raja, they are going to have "A Giant Bouncy Castle." I'm not sure if you been to Fred Wildlife Refuge, but the general consensus among my friends is "how the hell are they going to pull that off??" so it's something I couldn't imagine missing (annnnd I'm definitely gonna deserve an adult beverage by then.)

Are you a psychopath? A shoutout and an update.

*This post is dedicated to one of my favorite lurkers - you know who you are, sorry it's been so boring.*

After reading this article (How To Spot a Psychopath) that a friend had posted to their Facebook feed, I began to seriously wonder about one or two of the people I have dealt with in my past. Thankfully, I've been pretty successful at removing a lot of the negativity from my life in recent years and have surrounded myself with wonderful friends.

Those friends have been keeping me quite busy and entertained over the past weeks as things have been getting settled with the apartment/moving/etc. My "must move out by" date has been extended to June 20th (though my plan is to be out by the 18th, if not sooner) and I've been slowly packing things up and browsing available apartments. I've had the Jefferson Square place to myself since mid-April and have been actually relishing my return to single life and living alone. I'm going to miss that apartment, but I'm incredibly optimistic about the next chapter of my life.

Speaking of chapters: more and more I feel like I should be writing....something. I have had tons of crazy inspiration lately, most of which stems from personal situations that are far too wild or sensitive to be discussed in any great detail here. I wish I would have remembered that Write-O-Rama was coming up, I definitely would have worked it into my budget when I had more available funds (i.e. wasn't dedicating every extra penny to deposits/rent/moving/blah.) Unfortunately, I have an abundance of legitimate reasons to procrastinate at the moment and a spattering of not-so-legitimate ones that seem more fun...

Moving (again)

Soooo, in about 4 weeks I should be in a new apartment. I don't know exactly where or how, but that is the ultimate plan. I am really going to miss the Jefferson Square place, but I have high hopes for my next single abode. I will have to replace a few pieces of furniture that I got rid of to accomodate his stuff but otherwise I've got pretty much everything I need for a cozy, classy one-bedroom apartment.

Since I can't really afford movers this time around, I have thankfully had a few people volunteer to help me move and can most likely borrow a truck from work if need be. It may not go as smoothly as the last go-round but I'm looking at this whole situation as a bit of an adventure and am trying to roll with the punches.

Yeah, sure, it's occasionally really f*cking depressing but mostly I am getting out and about as much as I can to distract myself. This weekend Nat and I helped Cec move into her new place in the fancy-pants part of the Hill and I finally got to meet his kiddo Wyatt - three year olds are immensely entertaining for short periods of time. After a nap I dragged myself over to Dubs to witness the glittery spectacle that is she and her crew getting ready to go out dancing at the gay club - it's pretty amazing the costumes they come up with. I called it an early night but cajoled Cec into a "Welcome to the Neighborhood" drink on Sunday just to get out of the house. At this point, I'll clearly use pretty much any excuse not to be sitting at home by myself...So far, it's pretty much working.

I love Seattle.

Every time I drive through the city I am truly struck by its beauty; on sunny days Seattle just makes you feel good to be alive.

I am going to briefly touch on recent events and then continue this blog in its original vein and speak about the positive things that are upcoming for me.

Ma and I had to say goodbye to our 18 year old cat B.C. on Saturday. His liver was failing and quality of life was decreasing at an increasing pace. He went quietly after lots and lots of petting.

Bear is leaving. Had I been honest with myself, I would have seen this coming long ago and I had at least a few friends who did. I'm okay, but in the next six weeks I have to find a new place to live! Having become quite fond of the Junction, I am willing to give up a few amenities to be able to remain in the area. Once again, I'll be packing every night after work.

My amazing friends have rallied around me and I am looking forward to a bright future, happily on my own again. I've had a lot of new design ideas and having free reign over the space for paint and art and such will be super refreshing. Having more time for girlfriends is also a huge bonus and I have no doubt there will be a lot more social activity for this domestic goddess. The dust should settle in a few weeks and I can get back to my fabulous life as I once knew it!

***I will say that I highly doubt I will be cohabitating with a beau pre-putting-a-ring-on-it ever again and even after that it may be somewhat difficult to convince me.

Oy. A month?

A month since I last blogged. That is a crying shame. Honestly though, I've been really effing busy!

Big, big changes afoot. While Bear was back for his visit we decided to move forward on looking for a place together. And a few days after he returned to Istanbul, I found it.

We are, for all intents and purposes, now co-habitating a lovely 2 bedroom apartment in the Junction neighborhood of West Seattle. Of course, he's not going to be home for another 3 weeks or so but his dresser and some of his clothes and shoes are there, so technically it counts.

There's a muthaf*ckin' Safeway downstairs, y'all (and just beyond that a Subway, Taco Del Mar, Papa Murphy's, teriyaki place, QFC, Cupcake Royale, all kinds of great bars and restaurants, yadda yadda.) I was joking with Bear on Skype last night that "we are soooo metropolitan...in the suburbs." I love love love West Seattle and we now live right in the heart of all the neat stuff (and much closer to Alki/downtown, etc.)

It's been a huge undertaking to do essentially as a singleton. Though I have had help from my friends (OHMIGOD CECILLI WAS A GODSEND) and had movers for the big stuff, it was no small task moving out of a 3rd floor walk-up with an arthritic back. At this point, everything is moved in even if it isn't exactly where it belongs yet. After a little bit of settling I can break out the paint brushes; once Bear gets home we can go furniture shopping (and move the rest of his stuff over from the Island.)

Over the next few weeks I'll start posting the "before" pictures so you guys can see what we're starting with and then as we go I can update with our progress (or you can just stick around to see if I lose my mind in the process.) It'll be fun, promise.

I love a successful weekend.

Oh yes, there was a pedicure. Lots of ice cream too.

And Deadwood (thanks to a non-The Wire TV series suggestion from my favorite other American+Foreigner couple.)

I went to Hump! and watched amateur porn in a room with hundreds of other people, including the lovely group of my favorite Hill-ites I attended with.

I tried rock climbing with a girlfriend who is apparently part monkey and clearly far less afraid of heights. (see picture for her superhuman feats!)

I Skyped with my boo, I cleaned as much as I could motivate myself to...Pretty much all I could ask for from a weekend on my own.

All I have to do now is make it through Monday.

Blah.

and meh.

Had one of those weekends that vacillated between wonderfully cozy and absolute suck, and I ended up on the other side in a funk, for sure. Even with a haircut scheduled and a light day at work, my Monday wasn't looking too great.

Thankfully, by the time I left Helle at 8 PM (after sticking around for a glass of wine and a long overdue chance to catch up with one of my besties,) I was the proud owner of a new Sour Puss oven mitt/pot holder set, the happy reciever of multiple hugs, and less of a sad-sack.

Of course, we covered the "howsitgoings" and jokingly discussed the fact that it always seems to be Mercury's fault when things are going wonky with our lives or the people and things around us. Today when my friend posted a link to this article covering Mercury's latest antics, I had to smile...until I read the following:

"Communication planet Mercury battles it out when Pluto, the planet that tends to obsess to the point of domination. If you’re feeling at all depressed, unsatisfied, anxious or even wishy-washy about something going on in your life, those thoughts could lead to compulsions, and those compulsions could show their nasty little faces when you’re interacting with those closest to you. Meaning, while you may try to divulge your emotions and frustrations, you could end up causing harm to your relationships by saying too much, being too harsh or acting without enough care and consideration. At the same time, it’s important to be aware that someone else may bring their problems onto you, and in a wrong or ineffective way."

Whoa.

It's fine if you don't believe in astrology, but that hit the nail on the head for me. This week I'm definitely doing a little bit of hiding (mostly just to let the stuff in my own head blow over, but it sure ain't gonna hurt to get my filing done.)

I am an Iron Girl.

I did it. Two months of training and 67'19" later (a PR!), I completed another 10k.

Because I'm all about supporting my boo, I went to Bear's show Saturday night. Unfortunately, due to a miscommunication and the ensuing dispute I ended up staying well past my intended 11 PM departure time. Thankfully I didn't drink more than 2 Coronas the entire evening, but basically that put me in bed at 1 AM and asleep around 2 AM when I planned to be out of bed by 6:30 and on my way to Greenlake from West Seattle by 7 AM.

So, yeah, I did the Iron Girl 10k on 4.5 hours of sleep.

The Madre gave up her Sunday morning to give me a ride and support me, wisely bringing a bottle or two of water for the trip and trying to pump me up while I slowly chewed up a Luna bar and some dry puffed corn cakes. I'm never much fun before 9 AM, so I really appreciate that she selflessly agrees to chauffeur my grumpy ass around for my races; I'm even hoping next year we might be able to do the Iron Girl 5k as a Mother/Daughter Team!

Bear was miffed at me from the night before so I didn't get a single word of encouragement from him, which was a total bummer considering how important this run was to me. Thankfully, I knew the Madre was rooting for me at the finish line and got some textual encouragement from Cec mid-run so I managed to keep my head up and power through all 6.2 miles.

Oh, I was so glad for that run to be done. After we trekked back to Ma's car I was seriously too tired to even think about having breakfast and just wanted to get home to shower and change into some pjs so I could lounge the rest of the day away. Around 11 AM I called Bear and woke him up; he cabbed to my place shortly after, smooching me awake from my mini nap when he arrived and thoroughly congratulating me on my accomplishment.

I ordered up some celebratory pizza and wings for delivery, made some hummus and we spent the rest of the day napping and watching The Wire as we munched.

I was pretty sore and slow for the next 36 hours, but after eating fast food again on Monday and taking a few days off from any type of official fitness activity I'm finding myself incredibly antsy to get running again. Even though I don't have a specific distance I need to train for, I would like to get my average pace down below 10 minutes a mile before the Jingle Run - I suppose that as long as there is some goal that I have yet to attain, there will be the motivation to keep going.

Whoa...I do feel different.

Though my 30th birthday was on Wednesday and went by without much fuss it wasn't until I woke up this morning that I realized how much my life has actually changed in the past 12 months:

A year ago today I was one day away from meeting Bear and my other dear Turkish friends.

I was a smoker.(!)

I had more piercings and less tattoos.

I was about 10 pounds heavier.

I was "running" about 2 miles at a go, with an average pace of 12'43", now my short runs are 2 miles and my pace averages 10'52".

I owned way more heels than flats.

So, like, things are generally pretty great, but honestly I've been having a difficult time being upbeat for the last half of this week.

My birthday, while nice and mellow, was a bit of a let down and I haven't been able to spend much time with Bear following our return from San Francisco because each weekend since then one or the other of us has had separate plans/obligations.

Now, although it's a special weekend for me (my birthday, 1 year of Bear and after 2+ months of training the Iron Girl 10k is finally here!) it looks like he won't be able to participate in any of it. Also, I bailed on having a birthday party mostly because of the show this weekend and it's looking like I'll essentially end the week having spent about 4 hours of non-sleep time with him. I realize his absence work-related, but it's still hard not to be sad that (again) he won't be able to share in these things that are important to me.

I just keep praying to some higher power that someday, somehow (preferably sooner than later) there won't be this feeling of "not enough" and we'll be able to get sick of spending too much time together. (Me praying to give up more of my "me" time?? No, I have not been body-snatched, lets just chalk that up as another big change this year.)

As for this weekend, I'm doing my best to resist the desire for mopey hibernation as I do have a little picnic planned with a few of my ladies tomorrow afternoon and 6.2 miles to run bright and early Sunday morning; my Madre will be there to see me cross that finish line and I am gonna do it with a smile.

We made it...

...to San Francisco and back. The trip was mostly fun and only slightly stressful, though in my opinion we didn't get to see nearly enough of what I would consider the "big" version of Seattle (with less tattoos and more homeless people, it seems.)

The show was cool (I always love to see people singing along and the gussied-up girls trying to get as close to the stage as possible) and there definitely seems to be a younger Turkish crowd there than I've seen so far in Seattle. They even had raki available at the bar - a very nice touch, but I may never drink the stuff again.

All in all, we did get to visit Chinatown, the Fisherman's Wharf and historic piers, Ghiradelli Square, Haight/Ashbury and I brought home some cute little souvenirs for me, the Madre and my best homegirls without making myself broke for the last 2 weeks of the month. The weather was mostly cooperative, I had a great time taking photos of graffiti and I swear I'll visit the Tonga Room when I go back.