Being "ex"-communicated.

Thursday, June 9, 2011
A while back, a guy that I have known since I was 19 broke up with his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. She had been to numerous parties thrown by our long-time group of friends and I had gotten a chance to become better acquainted with her, intrigued by her young age, old-soul wisdom, dry wit and fun fashion sense. After the break-up, our group of friends basically dropped her like a hot potato, no longer inviting her to any of the many get-togethers that were thrown on a regular basis. In my opinion, it was all kinds of bullshit to basically abandon someone we had gotten close to, especially at a time when anyone would need the support of their homies. In the following months as she became one of my favorite people I slowly distanced myself from those who had been so quick to dismiss her when she had done nothing to deserve it.

Fast forward to my recent break-up - his amigos that had been so insistent on forming a friendship with me are now nowhere to be found. There's been not a single peep of support from then since then and it seems in some cases they were actually coaching him to treat me negatively. As an adult, I find this incredibly petty and unnecessary - my ex and I were not and are not on bad terms. That feeling of "he is my best friend and I love him" is long gone, but I harbor very little (if any) ill will towards him and definitely haven't tried to prevent any of my peeps from hanging out with him nor encouraged causing him any kind of grief.

For those of you who might find themselves in a similar situation when their friends break up (where nothing unpleasant has been done to you personally,) I will offer the following: let them deal with it. There is no reason you can't be friends with someone just because they are not in that relationship any longer. Planning an event? Invite them both and politely let them know what you have done and that if they can handle it/behave properly then they are both welcome to attend. Offer support - that doesn't mean you have to be responsive to bitching and snarking about your friend, but you can make that clear in a gentle and mature way. Be a grown up and hopefully they can do the same.

Something something KARMA something something...

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