Psychic Reading Part 4

Saturday, March 6, 2010

She begins to describe a huge room where she sees me showing someone where to sit, communicating that it feels opulent and I should be that for myself. After yet another pause and out-of-nowhere subject change she says that I some point I had stopped growing but now my foot was on the gas pedal and I was flying and free towards my greatest dream - the ability “to do what I want to fucking do” and she asked me “what if? If you had the money, time, health?” before going silent again. She returned to the description of that opulent room and relayed that she saw me picking up canvasses and thrusting them onto nails that were sticking out of the wall, puncturing the exquisite paintings. She understood this to mean that my artist inside had been wounded in the same way, but she could clearly see one of my one pieces of art and breathlessly told me that it was “profoundly beautiful, that's your work. You can make it.”

She told me that I need to acknowledge my fascination with the media and acting, which she saw somewhere in my history (true – I was briefly intrigued by journalism and had been in plays as a child, in addition to my Madre's long past in the theater). She felt I needed to go to the heart and “get pleasure out of your biz” because that was a huge step towards self-loyalty. Then apparently with a vision of my innards, she stated “you like lavish, you like pretty, girl – your heart is opulent” and described the amazing textiles on the floor (for years I have enjoyed having a large number of rugs – I can never get enough). She said she could see my concern about being a “sane” artist and had a “great fear you will lose your shit.” She laughed as if it were a silly idea, but it's true - I have typically avoided artist types and refused for years to even consider a musician or a poet as a potential romantic partner, because I have always observed that many creative people are slightly “off” and in some cases clearly nuts.

She was silent for a long while.

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