This is not for the faint of heart.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Read the article. Feel free to watch the video. Take moment and let it all sink in.

That man has been in my life since I was 16 years old. He was one of my best friends and is one of the only men I ever considered marrying. He is also one of the only men who has ever hurt me more than I imagined I could be hurt. I kicked him out of my home and my life and hoped that would be the end of it.

A few days after the break-up with B, out of the blue he sent me a brief email that said:

"Hello Alyson I am sorry it has been so long since the last time we talked but you may have heard what has happened to me. I would love to talk to you you can call me if you want. I would call you but I have lost your number so this is my number call anytime please 206 ***-**** you are one of the neatest people I know and I miss my friend so there it is take care and i hope to hear from you. Nathaniel "

I had no idea what the hell he was talking about (since I hadn't talked to him or his family for months, if not a year plus) and sent him a terse reply telling him that I didn't think I had it in me to be a good friend to him. He was understanding - we have a past that involves a lot of pain as well as a lot of love.

A few weeks later a friend (who is a pathological liar and in hindsight completely unreliable as a source of information) told me at a party that he had done a certain illegal drug (that disgusts the hell out of me) with Nat. I was piiiiiiissssssed - that was one bind I was not willing to help him "out of" nor am I willing to have friends that are involved with that shit. So, I tracked down the number he had sent me a fired off a text essentially telling him to fuck off.

Then he called me. Like, immediately. After he calmed me down and told me that the drug thing was untrue he told me to google that article.

If there is one thing that I want to leave this life with, it's the knowledge that I was a good friend and I did everything I could to help the wonderful people I've surrounded myself with when they needed me, and the thought I improved their lives by doing so. He reached out for my support and though it was hard to deal with my emotions and our past starting at that very first phone call, I knew it wasn't in me to turn my back on him.

This story may seem sad, but it's a story of love and loss, growth and grief, and we all come out the other side as better people when we experience these things.

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