Whoa...I do feel different.

Though my 30th birthday was on Wednesday and went by without much fuss it wasn't until I woke up this morning that I realized how much my life has actually changed in the past 12 months:

A year ago today I was one day away from meeting Bear and my other dear Turkish friends.

I was a smoker.(!)

I had more piercings and less tattoos.

I was about 10 pounds heavier.

I was "running" about 2 miles at a go, with an average pace of 12'43", now my short runs are 2 miles and my pace averages 10'52".

I owned way more heels than flats.

So, like, things are generally pretty great, but honestly I've been having a difficult time being upbeat for the last half of this week.

My birthday, while nice and mellow, was a bit of a let down and I haven't been able to spend much time with Bear following our return from San Francisco because each weekend since then one or the other of us has had separate plans/obligations.

Now, although it's a special weekend for me (my birthday, 1 year of Bear and after 2+ months of training the Iron Girl 10k is finally here!) it looks like he won't be able to participate in any of it. Also, I bailed on having a birthday party mostly because of the show this weekend and it's looking like I'll essentially end the week having spent about 4 hours of non-sleep time with him. I realize his absence work-related, but it's still hard not to be sad that (again) he won't be able to share in these things that are important to me.

I just keep praying to some higher power that someday, somehow (preferably sooner than later) there won't be this feeling of "not enough" and we'll be able to get sick of spending too much time together. (Me praying to give up more of my "me" time?? No, I have not been body-snatched, lets just chalk that up as another big change this year.)

As for this weekend, I'm doing my best to resist the desire for mopey hibernation as I do have a little picnic planned with a few of my ladies tomorrow afternoon and 6.2 miles to run bright and early Sunday morning; my Madre will be there to see me cross that finish line and I am gonna do it with a smile.