Bye Bye Blogger.

While it is a work in progress, www.alysonoholic.com is now in fact a functioning site!

Moving forward I will be posting all of my blog stuff there in addition to migrating my reviews off of yelp and implementing some other fancy idears I've got now that I'm a dotcom.

Wheeeee!

Argh. Sometimes it just isn't your week.

This is Gotye, the stuffed platypus that my Work Hubs brought back for me from his trip to Australia after assuring me that obtaining a sloth would be nigh impossible.

This is Gotye the musical artist from Australia whose show I am going to miss because I dragged my feet until it was sold out again despite actually having enough money for the ticket.

So, I basically get to sit here quietly sobbing (not really) and gently petting the platypus version while I listen to the original on my ipod. Lesson learned: procrastination doesn't pay, kids.

The glorious results of a unfortunate online dating experiment.

So, my foray into online dating had some bizarre effects on the other aspects of my life:

*I've been drinking less alcohol and more tea. (Yay - though I've got a newly opened box of PG Tips if anyone wants 'em.) Also, in general I've found myself more inclined towards hanging out with people who don't drink as much.

*I deep cleaned my apartment and put away all of my laundry (not a regular occurrence, despite my regular Domestic Goddessing fits,) but I didn't go to bikram for two weeks.

*I have finally reached the point where I have learned not to respond to texts from Jesse and have decided that as per multiple suggestions I will move forward with a restraining order if he refuses to cease contact with me as requested. It seems bizarre that I would need to get a R.O., but blocking him on Google Voice didn't work and I've been told time and time again that harassment is harassment regardless of the medium.

*I finally started feeling guilty about neglecting my fish to death (they truly are the red-headed stepchildren of my household) and leaving my last White Cloud alone in misery, so I cleaned out the tank and visited the fish store for a few more WCs and a betta to keep him company.

*I haven't been cooking; I've just been living on Trader Joe's snack foods.

*My boy-crazy-ness is on hold.

All in all, I learned some great lessons and came out with fresher outlook on some of my dating habits and...a new attitude, babe.

Online dating made me miserable.

Since the Englishman had perused my blog and declared "you date complete assholes," I actually had semi-decent hopes he wasn't going to be one. As per yooj, I would be wrong.

I'm actually a bit baffled: what seemed like a funny, affectionate, affable gent (albeit pretty far from my physically preferred type) turned very quickly into a petulant, cold twat after an incredibly minor "misunderstanding," i.e. gently expressing my disappointment that after an absolutely lovely time together (and some fun fooling around) he quickly hopped back on the dating website to check messages from other girls. I tried ascertaining the base issue of his 'tude and defensiveness but like Amy Winehouse's parents trying to get her to rehab, all I was getting was "no, no, no." We all see how well that worked out for her, eh?

After giving an adult, civil conversation and resolution the ol' college try and hitting nothing but a brick wall, I realized I was wasting far too much time and mental energy on a hairy, pudgy, dutchbag that is small in the game. Amazing what a British accent can get you to temporarily overlook, ladies, though (unsurprisingly) at the moment every time I hear one I get viscerally annoyed.

Despite the site emailing me to let me know that I was statistically one of their most attractive users and I would be shown only more attractive search results, I didn't ever really find myself inspired to respond to any of the messages I received and when I did actually go out on dates I ended up hating and doubting myself (which is a completely unnatural state for me.)

On Friday, I shut that profile down for good then spent the weekend domestic goddessing between meet ups with my sweet, amazing friends and by Sunday I was feeling so much better.

Fee Fi Fo Fum...

...I went on a date with an Englishman.

I drank tea; he drank fizzy water because he's apparently a PG Tips snob and none of the 150+ varieties that the tea house offered could have possibly been adequate.

I had rushed from a clothing swap at Dubs' to Remedy Teas on the Hill to meet up with him and shortly before the date ended, I realized I could not recall exactly where I had parked my car. As we wandered around in the rain trying to locate the errant Hyundai I became acutely aware that I seem to be making stellar first impressions on these recent dates. I guess that either way I'm making these meetings memorable, right?

I think the past 3 weeks of drama and stress and overtime at work succeeded at temporarily melting my brain, so for the moment I am going to disable my online dating profile and enjoy getting back into the normal groove of my life. Back to Bikram, back to being on top of my Domestic Goddessing, back to life, back to reality...

Fun with dating sites.

I recently set up an online profile to meet new cute boys over the internet (after realizing my friends are pretty suck at the match making.) Here is a small compilation of the messages I have received so far. Think of it as the best of the best and the best of the worst (though I deleted some possible classics when they first started streaming in.)

Before I fleshed out my profile:

-Under your personality tab it just says "More Drug-Friendly" and "Less Old-Fashioned." So based on what I see here... let's just get high and watch Star Wars.

-You're barn burningly gorgeous. I bet the boys are all over you like a cheap suit ;) So how have all the crazy male apes on this site been treating you so far? This was originally charming, but then it devolved into him (a married man) trying to set up a "discreet" monthly rendezvous. Um, no.

-ya know, I think you and I have some stuff in common, maybe we would enjoy each others company?.. do you agree with any of the thoughts I just mentioned?

-Hi there! Maybe I'm bucking the trend by bagging the stock "you seem really cool" message in lieu of going straight to telling you something about myself, but what the hell, right? I'm feeling adventurous and I want to see what happens when I tell a complete stranger this story. Nintendo was a pretty formative element of my childhood, and I was convinced for awhile that if I dressed up like Link from Legend of Zelda enough that I would become him eventually. This meant I was in my Link costume most of the time, even when I ran errands with my mom. So I'm sure it was embarrassing for her to be cruising down the cereal aisle at the supermarket with a Nintendo character in tow, but I really didn't give a shit and I still don't. Anecdote complete! On the off chance you were having a less-than-awesome start to your week, I hope that brought you some cheer.

-Survey says...

I love you!

-Hi cytie Is this some new slang I haven't heard of?

-I'm not just funny; I'm kind of a joke, as well.

My profile picture is slightly nerdy:

-I am definitely the droid your looking for.

-Hey! How's it going? I gave you five stars because you've been to Tatooine.

-So....you have a star wars photoshop picture....a communist pizza t-shirt and actually used the term "IRL"

Awesome!

and every other version of "nice profile pic" you could think of.

Now, I am chatting back and forth with a gent who seems promising but doesn't live in Seattle proper and I've got plans for a drink with a local performer I've actually had a crush on for years, so it's not all bad, but DAMN Seattle - y'all are cracking me up.

Improving my mood with food & a month of yoga.

I'm going to go on a short rant:

My car is acting funny, my check engine light is on, my date had to "raincheck" this weekend after I had already gotten cuted up and come into the city, my bank balance is pretty darn sad, and the icing on the cake is that I'm breaking out and grumpy because of hormones (AND all I want to do is stuff my face full of salty/sweet junk.)

Okay, I'm done.

Tonight instead of succumbing to the cravings and crawling under my covers, I am going to cook up a nice whole wheat pasta salad with Trader Joe's feta, olives, organic tomatoes and a homemade spicy balsamic vinaigrette dressing before I start reading up and getting ready for my self-imposed Yoga Everyday For a Month Challenge. I had originally been inspired by a yoga blogger I follow who did it every day for a year and then recently spent a good amount of time chatting at a dinner get-together with a friend who does the same and also meditates on a regular basis.

I've been a little more stressed than usual lately and I'm hell bent on being in excruciatingly hot shape by the time I go to Idaho in June, so I figured - what can it hurt?

My favorite response to the "How Yoga Can Wreck Your Body" article.

Lately, I've seen an article from the NYT making the rounds on Facebook and such about "How Yoga Can Wreck Your Body."

I swear, my eyes just rolled back in my head so hard that I gave myself a headache (though I was pleasantly surprised that they didn't harangue Bikram specifically [as per yooj.]) I've got a few indignant personal history-based personal reflections I could throw out there, just like most of the folks who commented on the article but I found myself most entertained by The Reluctant Ashtangi's response on their blog (read that here.)

What I will say is that my the majority of my teachers remind me regularly that "it's called yoga 'practice,' not yoga 'perfect'" and I've injured myself far more with a few months of running than I ever have in my years of at-home and in-class yoga. It's all about being aware of your abilities and limitations, kiddos, and the fact that even LIVING pretty much "wrecks" the body.

Lewiston, Idaho needs more B&Bs or a maybe a boutique hotel.

My best friend from high school's little sister is getting married this summer, near the town in Idaho that I moved out of when I headed for Seattle. I've decided that I'll take a few extra days off of work and make it a mini-vacation roadtrip, during which I thought I'd find a cute place to stay for the time that I am there.

me:http://www.kayak.com/r/ZEEDZWNyH

wow. you like my hotel options?

GAG

Dubs: oh yucko.

no b&B?

me: I've found ONE

still perusing

jeezus

oh my shit

this place

everything is so GENERIC

Dubs: yuck. i say go econo lodge

it has about the worst fucking name for a chain of motels that i ever did hear in my life.

weirder and worse than King Oscar Motels.

me: those are strange

I want NICE!

fancy!

dammit

http://www.italiannainn.com/

there is still a site up for a B&B that stopped in '08

http://local.yahoo.com/ID/Lewiston/Travel+Lodging/Hotels+Lodging/Bed+Breakfasts okay, this looks more promising

Dubs: Ew god

motels are the worst

me: frack

if i can't get boutique, i want THE NICEST PLACE THEY'VE GOT

http://premieralpacas.com/

alpacas!!!!!

Dubs: YES

alpacas!

me: i could stay there!

Dubs: the italian place looks cute, too

Aha, and the alpaca folks are from Seattle

they will like you

It looks cute. Nice pool, too

me: i think the old Italian lady might hate me

Dubs: uh oh

why's that?

me: IDK

just my intuition

Dubs: hahaha

my god, her intro is ATROSH

me: Which one?

http://churchyardinn.com/

i wish I could open the Cliff House page

Dubs: the italian lady. read the fuckin top paragraph on the main page

me: hahahahahahahahahaha

Dubs: yeah

pretty bad

but she looks like a sweet old lady to me

http://www.italiannainn.com/images/photos/anna_vineyard_full.jpg

me: true

I'm leaning towards alpacas thoguh

tho 19 miles is FAR in ID

Dubs: Yeah that's true

me: this is hilars tho

I'm so fucking Seattle now

"WHAT? NO BOUTIQUES?"

Dubs: Hahaha

seriously

THERE HAS TO BE A QUAINT SHOP

I don't want fuckin' chain motels

GLARGH

me: DOES THIS PLACE HAVE A SPA??

Dubs: No asians = no nail salons, sorry

me: hahahahhahahaha

Dubs: so solly